We are not our thoughts
We have around 70,000 thoughts a day – our mind is cluttered with both positive, but more negative thoughts! What a relief to know we are not all these thoughts.
Imagine all these thoughts racing through our head every day and taking them on as if they were all true for us. We wouldn’t do that would we? But we do! Those thoughts of not being quite good enough, not being the person we would like to be… not being enough.
Our thoughts become our actions, our beliefs, and in turn our results. We don’t live life to the fullest because we are overwhelmed by thoughts of not being deserving enough, not being slim enough, not being clever enough, etc.
But why is it that our negative automatic thoughts hold so much power and how and why can they be so detrimental to us, and our relationships with other people?
Let’s take a look at what I mean…
Can you imagine this
Close your eyes and imagine you are walking down a street you know well. Perhaps it’s a street lined with shops, or trees and a park you have passed many times. Now, as you are walking, imagine someone you have known for some time, but not seen in a while walks past you on the other side of the road. You spot them. You recognise it’s them. You start waving and shouting their name. They just walk on by as if they haven’t seen you.
Notice what happened to your thoughts. Did you wonder what you had done wrong for them to ignore you? Did you wonder if you had upset them? Did you think about not talking to them anymore because of them ‘ignoring’ you? Did you have defensive thoughts like “it’s their problem”?
See how damaging those thoughts could be if we chose to hang on to them. It could cause a vicious cycle and prevent our friendship developing further. It could cause us to harbour bad feelings towards this person, which could impact our day, our month, our year or even our future, as well as our mental and physical wellbeing.
Yes, the person that walked past might have had bad intentions towards us, but we can’t control other people. We can only control ourselves.
What if we changed our thoughts to change our mind?
What if we chose to think about things more objectively like, instead of “they don’t like me”, what if we thought “they might not have seen or heard me”. Instead of “what did I do wrong?”, what if we thought about “what’s going on for them? Maybe they have loads on their mind”.
How do things change for you? Are you more likely to be able to brush off the incident? Are you more likely to seek out more information and ask them if they are okay next time, you see them? Are you more likely to want to continue that friendship?
Mindfulness can be the key to freedom from negative thoughts
To recognise our thoughts and to see them as merely objects of the mind, based on our current knowledge and understanding of situations, is so freeing. Imagine being able to see our thoughts as a passing cloud; not taking anything personally, just noticing them as they pass by, and being able to let go. What difference could this make to you?
Mindfulness for children and young people
If we think back to when we were growing up and all those thoughts that at times felt overwhelming – what will they think of me? I don’t fit in? I’m not enough as I am. Imagine if we let go of the power those thoughts had over us, back then. Maybe you were able to let go – what difference did that make to you and your ability to live life to the fullest? Not being so worried about what you thought everyone thought of you!
This tool can be, and is, life changing to so many people I coach and speak to each day.
Mindfulness resources for thoughts
If you would like to explore helpful mindfulness recordings for unhelpful thoughts, I would highly recommend listening to leaves on a stream. There’s lots of psychology behind this meditation, which makes it especially useful for recognising and being able to distance yourself from your thoughts.
Wishing you a wonderful day.
Sarah x
A bit about the author…
Sarah Makinde is a Business Psychologist, Mindfulness Teacher and Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist. She has over 20 years’ experience in the corporate environment and after going through her own journey with stress, anxiety and overwhelm, is passionate about helping her clients with similar issues.
